you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
Randomize
