I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
Randomize
