1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
real busy. everything is packed. thats why we ended up at the strip club
I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
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