Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
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