Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
Ask Niel how long his lasts if he plays with it a lot.
he says 15-20 minutes depending on the porn.
no his phone, idiot.
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
Randomize
