you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
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