I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
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I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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