I want to bang chis in dee ass burt he be hating on me times two. Me be tryin ti love onu
Bendover
it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
Randomize
