were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
Randomize
