Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
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