My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
Randomize
