omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
Randomize
