My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
Randomize
