So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
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