Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
Randomize
