Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
Randomize
