I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
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