speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
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