there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
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