Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
