Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
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