Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
Randomize
