So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
This is classic penis vs brain.
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
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