part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
What happened to fro yo and sex?
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
Randomize
