i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
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