Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
Randomize
