Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
Randomize
