Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
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I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
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Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
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