What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
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