Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
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