Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
We're too hungover to prance.
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
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