I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
