Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
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