I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
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