Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
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