and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
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Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
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