Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
Randomize
