somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
Randomize
