This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
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