Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
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