I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Found your dick twin last night
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
Randomize