I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
Randomize
