sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
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