YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
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