I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
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