I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
Randomize
