you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
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