Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
Randomize
