I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
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