Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
