In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
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