The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
Randomize
