She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
Randomize
