Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
Randomize
