My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
Randomize
