Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
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woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
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Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
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