From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
Randomize
