i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
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