I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
Randomize
