he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
Randomize
