never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
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