so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
