I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
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